i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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