I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
