I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i think i just lost a toe
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
