why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
