Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
