So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
