Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
