he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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