The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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