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dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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