I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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