how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
