You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
