all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
