Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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