Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Found your dick twin last night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
