um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
