I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
