you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
