Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
