I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
