I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
