Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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