Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
