I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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