This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Randomize
