singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
