when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
