Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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