Plan B is the new Plan A
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
