sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
