Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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