We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
