it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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