ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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