The maid of honor just puked.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
no, he came in my armpit
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
