dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
