i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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