why didn't you poke me back
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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