Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
