I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
