It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Drake has all the answers
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
