I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
