"it" just moved
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
