This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
