I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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