i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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