3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
