Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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