do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
